I think at some point, every blogger asks themselves that incredibly ungrammatical question. That’s where I have been lately. Why am I writing this blog, what purpose does it serve?
I’m getting bored of it, tired of it, at least right now. The thought of updating it makes me yawn. I don’t have anything interesting to say, frankly. Besides the Recent Unpleasantness of Vacation Cancellation, my outside world is pretty calm. My hobbies of cooking, reading, and gardening–let’s face it, not interesting enough to fill an online journal.
There’s another aspect too, one which, the very minute I type this, is going to generate protests, but I’ll say it anyway: this blog doesn’t fully represent the real me. This is Shannon Light. And the reason this is Shannon Light is due in part to the fact that I have family reading this. I don’t mean any offense whatsoever when I say that, but I certainly am not going to let loose with some of the anger or irritation or angst that goes on in my head knowing that my mom and sisters and other family/acquaintances are reading it. Sorry, but it’s true, family. In the past, I’ve made allusions to things that bother me or anger me, and it was usually followed up by a family member wondering or worrying that I was referring to them, which in turn generated a follow-up comment/email/phone call explaining that it was not, even if maybe it was. I decided that I didn’t want to have that going on all the time, so I stopped posting anything with meat, so to speak.
I told all of this to my sister Kari a few weeks ago and she questioned it, saying, So what if family is reading it? My response to her was, Would you let loose with everything that was going on in YOUR head, knowing that family was reading it? Would you be comfortable showing sides of yourself that you normally don’t in real life? After a pause, she agreed with me that no, of course not. We all of us keep portions of ourselves hidden from everyone we know for one reason or another. I don’t know anybody that is an open book–not my mom, my dad, or my sisters. So why should I be?
Which brings me back to my original point. I’m bored with this blog because I feel that I can’t and won’t blog about anything that isn’t light or cheerful. I think I need more. Maybe a new anonymous blog, maybe just my own personal journal that is not online. I just don’t know yet. Still mulling it over.